Originally published in Neon: Student Literary Magazine 2021–2022
When he saw her in the street, he wasn’t sure he had the right person. Her hips were wider, her hair much shorter, and she wore a dark pantsuit. She’d always worn floral summer dresses before—even in winter. But as he got closer, he could see she led with her head when she walked, and he knew it was her.
“Carlotta!”
She turned around, caught off guard. She stared blankly at him.
“Do I know you?”
“It’s me!”
He hugged her. She still smelled like lavender.
“I’m sorry, who—”
“I haven’t seen you since college!”
She scrutinized him for a moment, then her eyes widened.
“Steph?”
He winced.
“It’s been so long!” he cried.
She stepped back from him for a moment. He noticed for the first time that her roots were gray, and she had small wrinkles at the sides of her mouth and eyes. But age had not been unkind to her. Instead, it only seemed to enhance her beauty.
“You look great,” he said.
“You look…”
She couldn’t seem to finish the sentence.
He wanted her to.
He didn’t want her to.
“How are you?” he asked.
“I’m okay. Real busy lately. How about you?”
“Not busy. Not busy at all.”
“Oh.”
“What have you been busy with?”
“Work, mostly. And… the kids.”
“Kids? You’ve got kids now?”
“Yeah, I’ve got kids. You don’t?”
“No. I don’t.”
Silence creeped up between them.
“You like them?” he asked slowly.
“Do I like my kids?”
“Yeah.”
“Yes, of course I love my kids.”
“How many?”
“Three. One in elementary, one in middle, and one in high school.”
“Wow. Feels like we were just in school.”
She laughed.
“Not for me.”
“What’s it like? Being a mom?”
“Difficult somedays. Amazing others. My kids made me a better person, I think. I love being their mom. The other day Charlie told me, ‘Mom, I wanna be a mom like you when I grow up.’”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. They’re pretty great.”
“I have a cat,” he said suddenly.
“You have a cat?”
“Yeah, his name’s Dog.”
“You have a cat named Dog?”
“I thought it was funny.”
It creeped in on them again.
“He’s kind of like my test run.”
“Test run?”
“Yeah, to see if I’d be a good parent.”
“You want to have kids?” she scoffed.
“Yeah.”
“You always said you never wanted to be a parent when we were…”
She didn’t finish.
He wanted her to.
He didn’t want her to.
“Yeah, well, I still needed to work on myself then. And now I have, and I think I’m ready.”
“Really?”
“You don’t think I’m ready?”
“You know you can’t just jump from a cat to a human being, right? That’s not how it works.”
“I know.”
“Kids are a whole other level. You need to start preparing with like books and classes and research.”
“I know.”
“You sure you’re prepared for that?”
“Yes.”
“Are you gonna do it by yourself or…?”
“No, I don’t want to be a single parent. I guess I’m just waiting till I find the right person.”
“Oh.”
He swallowed.
“Did you ever find the right person?”
“Yes. I did.”
“And it’s still going well?”
“Yes, it’s still going well if you can believe that.”
She lifted her hand to show off the hunk of rock on her finger.
“Been married fifteen years now.”
“That’s a long time!”
“You make it sound like it’s a bad thing.”
“No, not at all. I’m happy for you.”
“Oh… thank you.”
She checked her watch. He’d never owned a watch.
“Hey, do you remember how we used to go to Taco Bell every Friday night and order a ton of Crunchwrap Supremes and Baja Blasts?” he asked.
“No, I don’t.”
“Oh, well there’s a Taco Bell just a few blocks from here. Would you maybe wanna go get some?”
“I have to pick up my kids from school.”
“Oh.”
“And I’m a vegetarian now.”
“Oh. Well, then would you maybe just want to get coffee sometime?”
“I’m pretty busy lately.”
He took out his phone.
“We could trade numbers and find some time that works for both of us.”
“Steph.”
He winced again.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t want to get coffee with you,” she said.
“Why not?”
“We haven’t spoken in over fifteen years. I don’t know you.”
He wanted her to.
He didn’t want her to.
“But I do know you,” he said.
“You don’t.”
“And you know me!”
“I don’t know you anymore. I don’t know if I ever did. Let’s leave it that way.”
“Then I want to know you.”
“No, you don’t. Get to know someone else, someone new.”
She turned away.
“Bye, Stephanie.”
He ran in front of her.
“It’s Stephen.”
She raised an eyebrow.
He struggled finding the words.
“I’m Stephen now.”
She nodded.
“See? I don’t know you.”
Then she stepped around him and walked away from him again.
He wanted her to.
He didn’t want her to.